Today's Track : Sarah McLaughlin - Fallen

The Family Chronicles

My grandmother loves to exercise. She's like 90 yrs old and she still goes for a walk every morning. One morning her and my sister went for a walk and had a discourse of sorts. A discourse which was shared with me.

An - Grandmother is driving me crazy.

Shaky - How so?

An - She wakes me up every morning and makes me take a walk with her.

Shaky - It's good for you, you need the exercise.

An - That's what she said too. She said, "You're so weak An. Look how skinny you are. You need to eat more; you need to exercise more -- like me."

Shaky - So what's so bad about that?

An - She told me that I'm weak because I don't walk with vigor like her. She says I'm really slow and have to swing my arms enthusiastically to go faster.

Shaky - hahaha.

An - Do you realize that she walks at the pace of molasses.

Shaky - Yeah, but apparently if you add a bit of enthusiasm and vim into molasses, it's super fast.

An - Shut up. The other day she also said that I don't eat enough. I told her that I wasn't always hungry. She then told me the key to making yourself hungry. She started rubbing her belly like this (rubs her belly in a circular motion), and told me to do that every morning to get my appetite going.

Shaky - Shhhh...don't say that too loud. That's an old secret that's been in our family for ages.

An - Shut up. I swear to god she's driving me crazy.

Shaky - You know how old people are. Just nod and agree with her to make her happy.

An - I do!

Shaky - The other day I walked by her room and saw her lying in bed doing biking motions with her arms and legs in the air. I almost made the mistake of stopping to ask her what she was doing. You know I would have had to join her. She should make one of those exercise videotapes and sell them on tv late at night!

An - Yeah, I'm sure people would be lining up for those like hotcakes.

Shaky - Everyone and their grandma would have one! We could call it "Sweatin' With the Oldies".

An - That was Richard Simmons' video.

Shaky - No, no...that was "Sweatin' to the Oldies".

An - You're an idiot.

Shaky - No you are!

An - You are!

Shaky - You!